.journal.

im going to add to this post as I can thru the day and then post it tonight.

I DID go to the gym yesterday... my total intake was 380 - and I burned a total of 500 cal at the gym. I burned 400 on the eliptical and treadmill - then did hard core sit ups with weights with my girlfriends for a while, i figure 500, so im negative 120 today SWEET!

however - I woke up in the middle of the night with the WORST muscle spasm in my calf, it was like, the worst growing pain in my LIFE. and it lasted FOREVER! im still sore this morning. - I did some research and I think I was dehydrated. shocking. lol - I trained for a marathon in 2008 and it was the hardest thing of my life but I was SOOOO fit... I used to get muscle cramps all the time, just because I was getting stronger. I have a really high cardio potential...I could run for hours...and I WILL to get where I need to be.

this morning so far I have had one hard boiled egg - 80 cal

and a coffee mixed with a little cappuchino mux - about 30 cal. to kick my ass into gear and keep me full ALL DAY! -

im going to eat very little and VERY healthy today. hopefully its a good DAY!

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11am - fuck, I cant beleive im already snacking again - 12 almonds - 80 cal

and some dried cherries and craberries - 60cal

4pm - I just caved and ate the container of green beans and seasoning I packed today for "lunch". 40 cal - then before i left work i had a skinny latte 90 cal

- so im at 380

so, I decided I need some "realistic" goals *phht

when i started on monday, I weighed 140lbs

by March 1st I want to weigh 130 or lower. the lowest I weighed was 123 and pure muscle when I was training for my marathon and not eating, and taking the ECA stack (I dont reccomend this - I got a damaged heart valve from it) - I want to weigh less than that, I want to hit 110 - or lower by summer so i can rock a bikini - EVERYWHERE!

sound good? I thought so.

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fuck, okay its dinner, my hubby has a friend over, so im making whole wheat pasta and tomato sauce, im also making some asparagus (yum)

my PLAN is to eat a half a cup of the pasta (300 cal BARF) and a half a cup of the tomato sauce - (90 cal) then some asparagus (20 cal)

that will put my daily total to 380 +410 - 800 cal for the day

but here is my reasoning for eating that obscene amount - i have a basketball game tonight and according to my calorie count website, i can burn about 500 or more cal playing basketball for 30 minutes. its just womens leuge, and I kindof suck, but I need some carbs so I can drag my fat ass around the court.

fuck my life

so I end the day with 800-500 - about 300 cal today. and you know, i can live with that

- the weekend is going to be hard. HELLO - its superbowl.

wish me luck!

.x.x.