I worked hard yesterday to avoid binging, I worked a 12 hour day, 9-9. I hardley ate at all - I stuck to my 515 cal - maybe even less because I like to share my food, i still count the calories, but I didnt actually eat them - what a cop-out.
I was planning on going home and exercising while my hubby was at the game, then he called me and asked to come pick him and his buddy up. he was WASTED - so i went to pick him up...thats when i LOST IT - because i have to be accountable to you - to this, im going to list everything i ate -
i stopped on the way to the game and got a blueberry bagel with light strawberry cram cheese and scarfed it down, then when I finished that, the boys were still watching the game, so i went to the nearby subway and got 3 cookies and a bag of sun chips - ate those - shit.
then it wasnt even over
- on the way home my husband puked (all over the side of my car might i add) and so we stopped to get him some mcdonalds (SHIT!)
I got a double cheeseburger - then proceeded to go home and have about 8 shots of vodka in diet coke. i was wasted and up until about 3 in the morning playing xbox with my hubbys friend. shit shit shit - what A NIGHT and im so ashamed that it happened... but just to punish myself - im going to find out exactly how many calories I ate last night -
bagel - 270
cream cheese 120
cookies 220 - 210 - 220 -
chips - 140
buger (barf) - 430
and about 60 cal (?) a shot of vodka - 480
grand total plus the 515 from the daytime - 2605 for the whole day
- holy shit.
but wait, because I was hung over this morning - i had a piece of toast with butter and jam 300 cal? and a few bites of hashbrowns - good start eh? - im a fucking idiot. im so depressed - im probably going to drink alot more vodka today - i used to have a bad drinking problem, and I guess I still do, I just dont have to drink to be able to sleep anymore - i was so fat and unhappy when I drank too much - but I figure that if i dont eat anything else today, i can get away with having some more vodka
on a happier note, my hubby in the shower this morning said, babe, your looking great, I can see yoru ribs! but then he said, why arent you losing any weight on your hips?
shit.
why is it that my boobs are getting smaller, but my fucking ass is still HUGE!
what a let down of a day!
GAH! -okay...here is some thinspo - I will report later and hopefully it wont be because ive eaten myself into oblivion again.
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Wow, what a night. All I can say that if alcohol is a trigger for you, you should work to have less of it. But don't worry. This isn't the end and you'll be back on track soon :)
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