.I.AM.

.WHO.I.AM.

I AM…
[ ] anorexic
[X] ednos (undiagnosed but I feel NUTS sometimes)
[ ] bulimic
[ ] living off diet pills
[X] hungry <3
[X] thirsty - I always feel dehydrated
[X] drinking something - steeped tea!
[ ] Under 100lbs - I WISH!
[X] starving yourself - SLOWLY, SLOWLY.
[ ] participating in a fast

PEOPLE…
[ ] ask if I’m anorexic/bulimic
[ ] call me fat
[ ] say I’m skinny
[ ] say I’m ugly
[X] say I’m pretty - mostly my eyes. maybe some day I will post a picture. im so scared of getting found out!
[X] spread rumors about me - I slept with my best friends fiance. FAIL. I can never live in my hometown again - my BFF and I are...still BFF's - but I have a bit of a rep. even tho im married.
[X] force me to eat - .H. likes to eat. it brings us together. lord knows we need it.
[ ] say I eat too much
[ ] wish I’d eat more
[X] don’t know I’m anorexic/bulimic/ednos - because it doesnt show really. not yet.

I WISH…
[X] I was THIN
[X] I had a better body
[X] I didn’t have to eat
[X] I could control myself
[X] I was under 110lbs
[X] I could avoid food
[X] I could hide what I am - which is?? fuck who knows?
[X] I wasn’t fat
[X] I was pretty
[ ] I could stop being ana/mia

I LOVE…
[X] feeling hungry
[X] seeing a difference when fasting - I love RIBS! AND HIPBONES!
[ ] shaking
[X] being weak
[X] losing weight
[X] being anorexic
[XXX] green tea (OR STEEPED TEA! just TEA!)
[ ] diet pills
[X] being able to turn down food
[X] feeling good about myself - duh...

APPEARANCE…
[ ] I am shorter than 5′4.- I wish.
[X] I think I’m ugly sometimes (Sometimes?!)
[X] I have many scars - I used to cut... the scars never go away, and the excuses get dumber and dumber.
[ ] I tan easily - i WISH! im pasty...
[ ] I wish my hair was a different color
[ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color
[ ] I have a tattoo
[X] I am self-conscious about my appearance
[ ] I had braces
[ ] I wear glasses
[ ] I wear contacts
[X] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free - fuck that I would get it anyways.
[X] I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger - boys can be greasy lol
[X] I have more than 2 piercings
[X] I have piercings in places besides my ears TOUNGE!
[X] I have freckles - :(

FAMILY…
[ ] I’ve sworn at my parents (around, but not "at")
[X] I’ve run away from home - I drove from Canada to the tip of Miami with my ex-fiance - we were so young and dumb.
[X] I’ve been kicked out of the house
[X] My biological parents are together
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old
[X] I want to have kids someday (I think.)
[ ] I’ve had children
[ ] I’ve lost a child - there was a child in south america I cared for, I considered him "my child" - he dies of cancer.

EMBARRASSMENT…
[X] I’ve slipped out a “lol” in a spoken conversation (ALL THE TIME!) - lawl.
[X] Disney movies still make me cry
[ ] I’ve peed from laughing
[X] I’ve snorted while laughing
[X] I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried
[ ] I’ve glued my hand to something
[ ] I’ve laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose
[ ] I’ve had my trousers rip in public

RELATIONSHIPS…
[ ] I’m single
[ ] I’m in a relationship
[ ] I’m engaged
[X] I’m married
[X] I’ve gone on a blind date - FAIL - I hate blind dates!
[X] I’ve been the dumpee more than the dumper (never been dumped...)
[X] I miss someone right now
[X] I have a fear of abandonment
[X] I’ve cheated in a relationship - NOT my hubby .H. - my ex fiance... that I still care about... alot.
[ ] I’ve gotten divorced
[X] I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back
[X] I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t
[X] I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did
[X] I’ve kept something from a past relationship (FML)

SEXUALITY…
[X] I’ve had a crush on someone of the same sex - scandal! lawl
[X] I’ve had a crush on a teacher - who didnt?
[X] I am a cuddler
[X] I’ve been kissed in the rain
[X] I’ve hugged a stranger
[x] I have kissed a stranger (I used to be a bar star...SHAME! LOL)

HONESTY…
[X] I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t
[X] I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t - .every.day.
[X] I’ve snuck out of my house
[X] I have lied to my parents about where I am
[X] I am keeping a secret from the world - many, many, many.
[X] I’ve cheated while playing a game
[X] I’ve cheated on a test - I got caught.
[ ] I’ve been suspended from school

BAD TIMES…
[X] I’ve consumed alcohol
[X] I drink regularly - I used to have a bit of a problem. im trying to cut back.
[ ] I can’t swallow pills
[X] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem
[X] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression
[X] I shut others out when I’m upset
[X] I take anti-depressants
[X] I’m anorexic or bulimic or have EDNOS. (not clinically diagnosed)
[X] I’ve slept an entire day when I didn’t need it
[X] I’ve hurt myself on purpose
[X] I’m addicted/ have been addicted to self harm
[X] I’ve woken up crying (I still do)
[X] I’ve lost weight
[X] I’ve gained weight
[X] My weight holds me back
[X] Weight consumes me.
[ ] I’m at my thinnest - not even close
[ ] I’m at my biggest
[ ] I’ve lost weight and kept it off
[X] I’ve lost weight but gained it back
[X] My weight affects my mood
[X] I weigh myself daily - just about.
[X] I am jealous of everyone smaller than me
[ ] I thrive on compliments
[X] I feel bigger than people who are my size
[X] I feel happy when I’m hungry
[X] I get depressed after I eat
[X] I’ve skipped a meal
[ ] I’ve thrown food away - I lived in a 3rd world country for a long time - DO NOT waste. please.
[ ] I’ve spit food out
[X] I’ve fasted
[x] I’ve taken diet pills
[ ] I’ve used laxatives
[x] I’ve purged
[ ] Bulimia
[ ] Orthorexia
[x] Over-exercising - which will resume once my fucking GYM is opened! 2 weeks!
[X] Binge eating
[X] I exercise
[X] I exercise so I can eat
[ ] I work out secretly
[ ] I work out daily
[X] I exercise to counteract eating
[ ] I’ve fainted from exhaustion

I’VE DONE…
[X] Weed
[X] Cigarettes
[X] Alcohol
[X] Diet pills
[X] Pain killers - I had a hospital scare a few months back, apparently 30 T3'S arent good for you...
[X] Anti-depressants
[ ] Ecstasy
[ ] LSD
[] Mushrooms
[ ] Speed
[ ] Cocaine


so there it is, not alot, but a little about MOI - bring on any questions? ha ah not that anyone cares. im so new to this community. but I do have some good stories ;)
it will all come out with the time - and all it will take is time and pounds - to finally be who I want to be.

.a.name.