back - .to.the.future,

so im back.

I spent the week at my parents house ...eating, watching TV...driving for my parents, Talking to .H. about what we were going to do.
he went to the emegency phsyc to see what he could do about his ourbursts... they told him he just needed to see a marriage counseller because it was clearly his disfunctional marriage that was causing him to snap.
fuck that.
now, im not an angel... but .H. and I are in love, and this is taking us over.
we talked about divorce.
seperation.
how all im doing is running away
but all im feeling is fear
of my husband
how rediculous is that?
I used to be funny
now im quiet and sedated.
depressed
anxious.
sad.

.H. came to pick me up on Friday, we spent the night in a hotel and made some serious goals, hes getting in for a head scan, im getting us in for councelling. I upped my anxiety pills, now im a fucking walking zombie. probably the way he likes it.

like I said, I ate like shit all week. I weighed in at 138 this morning. fuck, I wanted to cry. but im back on today. all i have had is 6 peices of califonia rolls from edo - 200 cal. - .H. wants to take me to red lobster tonight...shit. my all time weakness. you dont half-ass something like red lobster.

.shit.

.A.name.