.pissed.

Im so fucking pissed.

I just found out that everyone at work thinks I want to hook up with one of our personal trainers. were FRIENDS. Both really good friends, with the exact same idea about eachother. My manager thinks we like eachother, but HELLO, im fucking MARRIED. I love my husband, way too much to pull shit like that.

since when is the way that I am...whore-ish? that makes people think that I would do something like that? who thinks about me like that? apparently everyone. even my husband says im too flirty with other guys. but doesnt it matter what IM thinking? fucking, if nothing is going to happen. NOTHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN. im do goddamn fat for anyone to like me besides my obviously blond husband.

im buzzed and stressed from my coffee - caffeine makes me axious, which is bad because I have severe anxiety... im on zoloft...but alot of the time it doesnt help the anxiety...it just makes me not want to kill myself quite as much. I keep trying to get off of them, but my hubby wont let me.

fuck.my.life.

maybe if I wasnt such a fatty I would be happier. seriously. I ate my almonds and a few peices of dried berries. another 100 cal. Fuck. im chugging water untill I feel totally full, even tho it makes me look pregnant. what a lose-lose.

im so pissed.

I know I blog alot...the only time I can do it is while other people are around at work...so it has to be quick. but I needed to vent. fuck fuck fuck. I kindof like this. there are the secrets that run my head ALL the time. finally...I can write them out.

Later!

.x.x.