.eff.

140 cal - bolthouse farms green machine juice, this stuff goes right thru me. I love it - and some veggies - cucs and carrots - I would say about 50 cal - SO I left ya'al yesterday at 490 and I was hoping to keep it under 1000
I went to my sisters and had a pita - 170 cal with about 50 cal worth of pesto. some ham 80 cal and some tomatoes which I will generously count 5 cal for. it was really good! in the oven mmmm. but then we went to starbucks and got hot chocolate DID YOU KNOW...a TALL starbucks white hot chocolate is 460cal? shit. then we shared a fruit and nut bar - 150 cal. - then that was it, from what I can remember ha ha I stopeed after that and started drinking vodka water by myself at home till I went to sleep - 100 cal? I know it might be more...but come on...I love vodka.
1505 cal.

damn.

I weighed in this morning at 136.7.

okay. just keep trucking.

I started out this morning with a starbucks oat bar AKA the DEVIL! - 370 cal. and a steeped tea - 100 cal. (im obsessed)
okay...IM STOPPING NOW.
all I might eat is my veggies :) cucs and carrots. - today WILL be a good day. its only 10am. I can still do well.

.x.x.

.a.name.

.I.AM.

.WHO.I.AM.

I AM…
[ ] anorexic
[X] ednos (undiagnosed but I feel NUTS sometimes)
[ ] bulimic
[ ] living off diet pills
[X] hungry <3
[X] thirsty - I always feel dehydrated
[X] drinking something - steeped tea!
[ ] Under 100lbs - I WISH!
[X] starving yourself - SLOWLY, SLOWLY.
[ ] participating in a fast

PEOPLE…
[ ] ask if I’m anorexic/bulimic
[ ] call me fat
[ ] say I’m skinny
[ ] say I’m ugly
[X] say I’m pretty - mostly my eyes. maybe some day I will post a picture. im so scared of getting found out!
[X] spread rumors about me - I slept with my best friends fiance. FAIL. I can never live in my hometown again - my BFF and I are...still BFF's - but I have a bit of a rep. even tho im married.
[X] force me to eat - .H. likes to eat. it brings us together. lord knows we need it.
[ ] say I eat too much
[ ] wish I’d eat more
[X] don’t know I’m anorexic/bulimic/ednos - because it doesnt show really. not yet.

I WISH…
[X] I was THIN
[X] I had a better body
[X] I didn’t have to eat
[X] I could control myself
[X] I was under 110lbs
[X] I could avoid food
[X] I could hide what I am - which is?? fuck who knows?
[X] I wasn’t fat
[X] I was pretty
[ ] I could stop being ana/mia

I LOVE…
[X] feeling hungry
[X] seeing a difference when fasting - I love RIBS! AND HIPBONES!
[ ] shaking
[X] being weak
[X] losing weight
[X] being anorexic
[XXX] green tea (OR STEEPED TEA! just TEA!)
[ ] diet pills
[X] being able to turn down food
[X] feeling good about myself - duh...

APPEARANCE…
[ ] I am shorter than 5′4.- I wish.
[X] I think I’m ugly sometimes (Sometimes?!)
[X] I have many scars - I used to cut... the scars never go away, and the excuses get dumber and dumber.
[ ] I tan easily - i WISH! im pasty...
[ ] I wish my hair was a different color
[ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color
[ ] I have a tattoo
[X] I am self-conscious about my appearance
[ ] I had braces
[ ] I wear glasses
[ ] I wear contacts
[X] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free - fuck that I would get it anyways.
[X] I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger - boys can be greasy lol
[X] I have more than 2 piercings
[X] I have piercings in places besides my ears TOUNGE!
[X] I have freckles - :(

FAMILY…
[ ] I’ve sworn at my parents (around, but not "at")
[X] I’ve run away from home - I drove from Canada to the tip of Miami with my ex-fiance - we were so young and dumb.
[X] I’ve been kicked out of the house
[X] My biological parents are together
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old
[X] I want to have kids someday (I think.)
[ ] I’ve had children
[ ] I’ve lost a child - there was a child in south america I cared for, I considered him "my child" - he dies of cancer.

EMBARRASSMENT…
[X] I’ve slipped out a “lol” in a spoken conversation (ALL THE TIME!) - lawl.
[X] Disney movies still make me cry
[ ] I’ve peed from laughing
[X] I’ve snorted while laughing
[X] I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried
[ ] I’ve glued my hand to something
[ ] I’ve laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose
[ ] I’ve had my trousers rip in public

RELATIONSHIPS…
[ ] I’m single
[ ] I’m in a relationship
[ ] I’m engaged
[X] I’m married
[X] I’ve gone on a blind date - FAIL - I hate blind dates!
[X] I’ve been the dumpee more than the dumper (never been dumped...)
[X] I miss someone right now
[X] I have a fear of abandonment
[X] I’ve cheated in a relationship - NOT my hubby .H. - my ex fiance... that I still care about... alot.
[ ] I’ve gotten divorced
[X] I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back
[X] I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t
[X] I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did
[X] I’ve kept something from a past relationship (FML)

SEXUALITY…
[X] I’ve had a crush on someone of the same sex - scandal! lawl
[X] I’ve had a crush on a teacher - who didnt?
[X] I am a cuddler
[X] I’ve been kissed in the rain
[X] I’ve hugged a stranger
[x] I have kissed a stranger (I used to be a bar star...SHAME! LOL)

HONESTY…
[X] I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t
[X] I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t - .every.day.
[X] I’ve snuck out of my house
[X] I have lied to my parents about where I am
[X] I am keeping a secret from the world - many, many, many.
[X] I’ve cheated while playing a game
[X] I’ve cheated on a test - I got caught.
[ ] I’ve been suspended from school

BAD TIMES…
[X] I’ve consumed alcohol
[X] I drink regularly - I used to have a bit of a problem. im trying to cut back.
[ ] I can’t swallow pills
[X] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem
[X] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression
[X] I shut others out when I’m upset
[X] I take anti-depressants
[X] I’m anorexic or bulimic or have EDNOS. (not clinically diagnosed)
[X] I’ve slept an entire day when I didn’t need it
[X] I’ve hurt myself on purpose
[X] I’m addicted/ have been addicted to self harm
[X] I’ve woken up crying (I still do)
[X] I’ve lost weight
[X] I’ve gained weight
[X] My weight holds me back
[X] Weight consumes me.
[ ] I’m at my thinnest - not even close
[ ] I’m at my biggest
[ ] I’ve lost weight and kept it off
[X] I’ve lost weight but gained it back
[X] My weight affects my mood
[X] I weigh myself daily - just about.
[X] I am jealous of everyone smaller than me
[ ] I thrive on compliments
[X] I feel bigger than people who are my size
[X] I feel happy when I’m hungry
[X] I get depressed after I eat
[X] I’ve skipped a meal
[ ] I’ve thrown food away - I lived in a 3rd world country for a long time - DO NOT waste. please.
[ ] I’ve spit food out
[X] I’ve fasted
[x] I’ve taken diet pills
[ ] I’ve used laxatives
[x] I’ve purged
[ ] Bulimia
[ ] Orthorexia
[x] Over-exercising - which will resume once my fucking GYM is opened! 2 weeks!
[X] Binge eating
[X] I exercise
[X] I exercise so I can eat
[ ] I work out secretly
[ ] I work out daily
[X] I exercise to counteract eating
[ ] I’ve fainted from exhaustion

I’VE DONE…
[X] Weed
[X] Cigarettes
[X] Alcohol
[X] Diet pills
[X] Pain killers - I had a hospital scare a few months back, apparently 30 T3'S arent good for you...
[X] Anti-depressants
[ ] Ecstasy
[ ] LSD
[] Mushrooms
[ ] Speed
[ ] Cocaine


so there it is, not alot, but a little about MOI - bring on any questions? ha ah not that anyone cares. im so new to this community. but I do have some good stories ;)
it will all come out with the time - and all it will take is time and pounds - to finally be who I want to be.

.a.name.

.deRAIL.

so we didnt end up going to red lobster, I had a basketball game, so I just went home and walked my dog, then stuffed my face with whole wheat pasta and sauce with chicken. to "power my game" - what a cop-out...and probably around 500 cal... and then i ate a caramel sundae after my game with a girlfriend - 340 cal - so i finished the day at about 1100 cal - im disapointed. but you know, I still burned. I have no idea how much I burned... im hoping I ended up under 1000 cal. AND to make it more awesome - I jammed my finger at my game - its all swollen and purple today - yuck.

I started this morning by waking up early and making lunch for .H. and eating breakfast with him. I ate some cereal and 1% milk. about 220 cal then I had an 80 cal drinkable yogurt when I got to work. im already sitting today at 300 cal - im so off the tracks right now! im going to try and keep it under 1000 today...and walk my dog.

gah.

.a.name.

back - .to.the.future,

so im back.

I spent the week at my parents house ...eating, watching TV...driving for my parents, Talking to .H. about what we were going to do.
he went to the emegency phsyc to see what he could do about his ourbursts... they told him he just needed to see a marriage counseller because it was clearly his disfunctional marriage that was causing him to snap.
fuck that.
now, im not an angel... but .H. and I are in love, and this is taking us over.
we talked about divorce.
seperation.
how all im doing is running away
but all im feeling is fear
of my husband
how rediculous is that?
I used to be funny
now im quiet and sedated.
depressed
anxious.
sad.

.H. came to pick me up on Friday, we spent the night in a hotel and made some serious goals, hes getting in for a head scan, im getting us in for councelling. I upped my anxiety pills, now im a fucking walking zombie. probably the way he likes it.

like I said, I ate like shit all week. I weighed in at 138 this morning. fuck, I wanted to cry. but im back on today. all i have had is 6 peices of califonia rolls from edo - 200 cal. - .H. wants to take me to red lobster tonight...shit. my all time weakness. you dont half-ass something like red lobster.

.shit.

.A.name.

.um.

i might not be able to post for a few days.

im leaving my home, and heading few hours south to stay with my family.

.H. lost it again last night, my table is flipped and there is broken glass everywhere. there are holes punched in my walls and closets. he's gone, I stayed at a friends last night. and now im back just gathering some things to take with me.

the good news is im down to 122.

that might just be from all the crying.

.x.x.

.a.name.

.day.2.

I re- Tanita's myself this morning - I weight 133.6 and my fat % is 26.9% my BMI is 21.6.

today is the second day of my liquid fast

I ended yesterday by drinking one cup of V8 wuth hot sauce - 60 cal
and then one cup of this awesome bolthouse farms green machine juice. - it looks like sewage but has the calories I need to keep me going - 140 cal.
then of course, lots of water, and some crystal light - 5 cal
205 liquid calories yesterday
im feeling thin.
but not thin enough.
.H. hasnt had an outburst in a while. thats for a few different reasons.
we changed his meds. it turns out .H. cant take generic brand zoloft. we figured that out the hard way...the really hard way as you probably saw in earlier posts. he couldnt deal with my depression and anxiety, and that fact that he got so violent with me deffinately didnt help my anxiety. things just got worse and worse. he can ONLY take name-brand Zoloft. the fuckers at the pharmacy kept telling us there were no differences. tell the bruises on my arms there is no difference.
gah. so hes leveled out alot...and I got on some new meds for my anxiety. and honestly...they really helps me. its actually changed my life. I can tell the difference big time.
.H. and I are happy.
we went for a walk yesterday, we cuddled and watched Canada lose to the USA :(
we played with and bathed our dog. and we...for the first time in months, really were acting in love.
I mean...we are in love?

------------------------

right now im drinking a very diluted crystal light and working away here at work.
I also brought some of my green machine - and im going to mix it with some protien powder and water?...gross... 110 + 140 cal - thats 250 cal...is it wierd that that seems like alot? hopefully it will fill me right up.
tonight I will probably have some more v8- 60 cals...I want to restrict to under 300 cal and stop having anything even water past 8

.x.x.

.R.

.fasting.

so today is the first day of my liquid fast. i have one week to get to 130 - i weighed in this morning at 136...gah 2 pounds up...then i started my period (tmi?) SIIIGH....hopefully that scale goes down soon.
Ive been drinking water all day so far.its 2pm and im just about to have a water bottle with some crystal light. .H. and I just took a walk with bosley, it was nice to get outside! its a great day here, very warm :)

I have to make .H. dinner tonight, but im feeling strong!

stay strong beauties!

.x.x.
-----------------------------

okay so now its 5pm. ive done well today! just water, one package of crystal light, and i just drank one cup of V8...its really good if you warm it up. so im sitting at 65 liquid calories today! fab fab fab, I even made .H. this awesome looking stir fry and didnt even try it. but im feeling chubby still (damn period) im looking forward to the hockey game tonight! USA vs CANADA! - okay...no offense to anyone, but Canada is going to kick ASS!

I decided that this tounge ring is going to be really good for me, it keeps me conscious of what is going in my mouth.

.x.x.

.A.NAME.

.tongue.

i did it!

my tongue is pierced!

Moira, im starting the liquid fast TOMORROW. and im in till Wednesday.

lets see how it goes!

who else is in?

.game.on.

.x.x.

.A.name.

.tounge.

I did really well yesterday, even witht he booze I kept it to under 400 calories. but man, I got WASTED....it was probably less than that because I threw up the vegitable soup I ate for dinner ha ha. but I weighed in at 134 today! AH! IT FELT SO GOOD! now I just need to keep it up!

Moira, im down for the liquid diet, I even got the okay from .H. - water during the day, and then broth or juice at night. - what about crystal light? lol its 5 calories...I love it... I could drink it all day... lol
Monday to Wednesday

and to make it that much easier, im getting my TOUNGE PEIRCED TONIGHT!

yesss



today for eating hasnt been great, I was hung over so I have a yogurt - 80 cal
4 pieces of a chocolate orange - 180 cal
a juice - 5 cal
then this fucking nasty sandwich that I STILL feel sick from eating
I had the bread - 140 cal
meat - 60 cal
mayo and mustard - 50
and cheese - FML - 100 cal at least.

so im sitting at 615 calories for the day

and im determined to have it stay there - im just gonna be sucking ice and drinking water tomorrow anyways with my new peircing :)

Moira! I need you to e mial me your my number so we can TEXT our way thru this liquid fast!

.x.x.

.a.name.

.liquid.diet.

I ate 65 cal before the party yesterday, and then I ate a little bit of thai food... maybe about 300 cal in snacking off my husbands plate - I felt full GAH. but I kept my cals pretty low, lots of carbs, but not too bad. 365.

so Moira had the brilliant idea of a liquid diet...just a for a few days, maybe longer if it works out? FABULOUS! - but im not exactly sure what kind of liquids I can have on a diet like that... im going to try and research it today! - I weighed in at 136 today. I NEED to be 130 by March 1st -

yay!

but as for today, I already started out with an 80 cal drinkable yogurt (pro-biotic!) and im planning on eating very little.

who's in for a liquid diet?!?

.x.x.!

.a.name.

-------------------------------------------

so after my yogurt I have been sipping watered down coffee and crystal light 5 cal
snacking on some celery and cucumbers and carrots (the carrots are 35 cal by themselves! high cal!) - total 50 cal
and i busted out my 20 cal jello

but im not hungry... its weird... but awesome!

im sitting at 155 cal, FABULOUS.

.calm.

246cal - to the party.

I felt really anxious before the party, so i took my "calm" drugs from the doctor lol...colonzepam? I think its called. im still anxious today, I took one this morning. it helps me just kindof...zone out...but focus on important things?
anyways...last night was shit. im glad my calorie count was so low before the party yesterday... I ate like a beast. not too out of controll, like, I think I kept it under 1000 cal for the day... oh god I hope

I weighed in this morning at 137 - I better be 130 before march 1... seriously..I need to re-comitt myself. its just SO HARD once i get home and get hungry...or go out. what do you girls do?
I guess it comes down to how bad I want it...

and I WANT IT.

im sipping at a coffee and a 5 cal crystal light right now, its 11:30 and im feeling good. I'll update this post as the day goes... but these meds make me not...that...hungry.
SWEET!

.x.x.

.a.name.

------------------------------------------------------------------
2:30 - and im snacking on an aisian pear and a dr pepper - the pear is about 60 cal. then I might snack on my veggies - I will count 30 for them, because I have baby carrots, and those are a little higher cal. I also have cucumbers and celery :)
its a good day!

.x.x.

.party.pants.

so im just about to leave work...
here is my intake for the day so far...

protien shake - 200
crystal light - 5
veggies - 15
2 peices of gum - 6
and a cup of jello - 20 cal.

SO...that leaves me with - 246 CAL

OKAY.

then I think I can hold out at this party...

I hope.

give me strength!

and lots of water!

.x.x.

.a.name.

.start.over. - .again.

last night....
930 plus another like...900 for what I ate at red robins with .H. I dont even want to say that number I ended up with... im so crap at this.

.H. and I went grocery shopping last night, I picked out tons and tons of low-cal and sugar free things. - then spent the night cutting veggies and making jello...

and I started over this morning.

protien shake with 1 cup skim milk - 200 cal (and im so full!)
and im currently sipping away at a crystal light in my water bottle.
I packed 20 cal of sugar free jello
15 cal of veggies. (which is actually tons!)

and im going to a birthday party tonight.

.game.on.

.x.x.

.a.name.

.S*!T.

so I just ate 600 calores worth of EDO...Japaneese food. so that puts me at 330+600 - 930cal. shit.

and you know, I would be fine with having that as my last meal of the day HOWEVER... my husband decided it woul be nice to take his wife to Red Robins tonight to fatten her up a little. here comes the curse words... but I will spare you guys and just keep it in my head.

i'll post tomorrow...sigh...

.x.x.

.a.name.

.Tanita.

this weekend is in the past...okay?

I mean, it wasnt horrible as far as diet goes, I ate...thats a fail right there, but I ate healhty, and less than I normally would on a trip home to see my parents AND my inlaws who both love to eat.
Being married I thought I would never do this, but I went home this weekend alone. .H. stayed at our house and did god knows what-all weekend. played games most likely.
but let me feel guilty when I say...
it was awesome.
it was probably the best weekend I have had in a year.
I slept and I chilled, and I went to the gym, and I saw the girlfriends that hate .H. and that he hates too and doesnt like me seeing, I saw dear john (BEST MOVIE EVER...) AND OMG it made me cry... it stirred something up inside me. something about wanting closure from my ex-fiance. shit. still a good weekend. - and valentines day - whatever. .H. got me chocolate (shit) and a cosmo (YES)

so I got home last night and im starting fresh.

my plan today is to fill up in the morning on a protien shake with 1% milk... then not eat anything untill a small dinner tonight. drink lots of water...you know the deal

my scoop of protien is 110 cal
and my milk is 220
so starting out with a huge ass breakfast of 330 cal - this better be a good day.

I went on a TANITA last week - its a body composition scale - it tells you tons of things about your body, this one we had at work is like a 4000$ tanita so...its pretty accurate.

here is what it said:

height 6ft 6 inches
weight:135.6lb
bmi:21.9
bmr (how many calories my body burns in a day...when im just sitting still...I love this number!) : 1448 cal
my fat percentage: 23.2

not bad. the numbers I want are totally different tho.
its gonna be a good week!

.x.x.

.A.name.

.old.day - .new.day.

350 plus my salmon. last night I had a nice peice of salmon and a half a cup of veggies, im going to count 300cal - then I went for a cry-coffee (when you go for coffee with a girlfriend...and well, pour out your soul) OBVIOUSLY!

lol so while I was there I had a grande nonfat caramel macciatto - 190 cal - and part of an oat bar and part of a fruit and nut bar - and um, I just looked it up...the oat bar is 300 cal and the nut bar is 200! wow! so im gonna count 300...high count for what I actually ate of them, but...meh.

so I finished the day at - 950 cal - shit

way higher than I was looking for... evenings are hard for me. and I LOVE cry coffee!

but good news! I weighed in this morning at 135! - 5 pounds down from where I started.
- this weekend im going to my hometown to take some dance classes with the same gf I had a cry coffee with. were basically going to spend the weekend at the gym - lovely, but I think she worries about my diet, and since im spending the weekend with her, im going to have to be strong. we tend to eat when we are together.

- anyways, lets start with today. im currently drinking my steeped tea with one milk one sweetner from tim hortons - 100 cal

I also packed a 50 cal salad. im hoping I can stick to eating just that at least till I get home - maybe till I leave tonight at nine - I will try and post again his weekend, but its doubtfull.

wish me luck beauties!

.x.x.

.A.name.

.cookie.

I just ate a cookie.

oh yeah, a nice big 200 calorie cookie

and it didnt even taste good.

...I should have just eaten my salad.

FML - now I HAVE to do something active tonight - but im just so low and depressed. but I feel like I might explode at the very same time, screaming and yelling so they have to lock me up. - FML

.H. and I are going to have salmon again - im sitting at the cookie, and 4 almonds, my salad and my cran juice - 351 - I would love to keep it under 500 - im trying to talk .H. - into buying a food scale. I will let you know!

"hey. I love you."

salmon and veggies and ice cream for dinner - 400 cal

220 from the day - then 400 at night - I was very specific about the size of salmon, and kind of veggies and amount I had. - I ended yesterday with no exersize and 620 cal total. I need be more carefull at night, when I get anxious I eat...and im anxious when im home.
the ice cream was just indulgent - and in my freezer - I was to depressed to leave my couch last night. literally, I took my anti anxiety, my sleeping pill, and my zoloft on the couch and crashed there.
H and I didnt say a word all night.

now im at work and he just sent me a text.

it said

hey, I love you.

I dont want to text him back. but I have to.

"Hey, I love you too."

------------------------------

Today i packed more cranberry juice - less than a normal portion because it was the last bit - 40 cal
I also am planning on eating one almond for every hour im at work - 7 cal each 9am-5pm thats nine almonds - 63 calories

I packed a salad 38 cal worth of red and green peppers and organic mixed greens - 5 cal - salad dressing - 40 cal

186 cal thru the day - im hoping I can just stay pumped full of water, cranderry tea, and diet coke? - im going to go get a big gulp and make my afternoon :)

im not sure what the dinner plan is tonight - if i can avoid it at all. sweet. maybe I will try to get .H. to take a walk with me. and then make dinner ge can eat

Moira - thanks for commenting on my blog, typing is nice therapy, its better therapy to know people are listening - your a doll.

.x.x.

.A.name. + .H.

ya, im still feeling like shit, I started on some new zoloft last night, so I took a sleeping pill to help me sleep, but I STILL couldnt sleep. my anxiety prevents me from doing a lot of things...and its already sucks changing meds, but not being able to sleep even with a sleeping pill sucks almost more. I was tossing and turning in hot and cold sweats all night, and woke up feeling like...well I already said it...ASS

things have been hard around my house lately. I hate being at home because...well. my husband, .H. has a mental illnes... I havent really talked about it before because it is really a long story. when he was a kid he used to have frontal lobe epilepsy... normally epilepsy means you have seizures randomly, but his epilepsy manifests itsfelf in fits of rage. so as a kid he would fight, or break things, or basically just spaz about the littlest things. he spant years locked in a hospital being observed and away from his family. when he was about 16 the phycologist cleared him and said if he just stayed on his anti depressants, that he could get off of his epilepsy meds.
the next few years were fine for him i guess, he graduated school and even went off his zoloft for a few years. then we met last year, everything was amazing....more than amazing, but i cant think of a word better than that right now.
H, and I got married really quickly, for no other reason than we just loved eachother and saw absolutely no reason not to. we met last january, and got married in august.
things were good for a while, realy, H is an amazing husband, but after a little while he needed to go back on his zoloft...and then it started getting a little ugly...
newlyweds fight. its just something that happens, and that was fine the first time he slammed the door, the time he yelled at me, broke the center peice that my best friend made for our wedding, broke his birthday gift...even all that was okay, I am a patient person. but then it started getting violent. he would shove me out of his way, last month he held me down and choked me, another time he picked me up by my collar and threw me into a wall, leaving bruises. he woudl tell me I was fat, and a cunt, and he never wanted to see me again, he would kick my puppy. litterally, my dog pisses himself when he knows .h. is mad.
seeing a trend here?
its getting worse and worse.
I gave him an ultimadum on Sunday. he gets help, or I leave.
i honestly feel like im in an abusive relationship, but that it would be awfull to leave...he is my husband, I knew he had preoblems, the only thing is, I thought they were through.

we went to the doctor on Monday and he put him on some anti phsycotics to "balance him out" - and things have been good the last couple of days... but im still litterally scared shitless of my husband.

anyways, we will see.

yesterday I ended up eating some ice cream before I went to sleep...my throat hurt SO BADLY. - gulp, dont judge, I ended the day with about 300 cal.

today I packed salad and some red and green peppers - 30 cal?
with 2tbsp of dressing 40 cal
and, I know this sounds gross, but I packed some cranberry juice because im getting a bladder infection. - its super concentrated from the health food store.
.yuk. - 50 cal.


.x.x.

.A.name.

.fast!.

im fasting today - mostly becasue I feel like ASS - its kindof lucky, I dont even feel like eating! - im sipping on some peppermint tea at work just hating my life - good news, im not eating - bad news, I dont think I can work out either.

.x.x.

R